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Christmas may be buried in its dreaded grave at the North Pole until it breaks loose next year and unleashes another festive hell on Earth, but we’re still in the middle of the holidays. This means that many of us, myself included, will remain under the roofs of our relatives, or they under ours, possibly until the year is over.
This article was originally published on December 26, 2017.
To pass the time, I played 2016’s Fate on the Switch. I tend to lose myself in a match or two during the holidays, but never has one clicked like this before, let alone one I’ve beaten before on another platform. I have come to the inescapable conclusion Fate is the ultimate holiday game. Let’s list the reasons.
Blowing away my inner demons
This is the most obvious of the bunch. Coming home for the holidays is super relaxing until it isn’t. Family gets on your nerves? Kill some demons. Uncle wants to argue more about Colin Kaepernick? Kill some demons. Is your mind, bored and listless, exploring the cracks and crevices that lead to the traumatic origins of your childhood neuroses? Definitely kill some demons.
Even on the Switch’s small speakers, FateThe audio makes it all so satisfying. Each meaty crunch is like an egg cracking open and your stress and anger ooze out. Oh, and then there’s the metal AF soundtrack, that one says science will (probably) calm you down.
Bridging the generation gap
The original Fate came out in 1993, when almost no one was alive and there were none Spider Man movies, let alone reboots. Your parents may have played it, or if that didn’t work, they may have become afraid of it after fear-mongering convinced them it would turn you into a Satanist who was too cool for them to hang out with. This way 2016 Fate can not only help you calm down after stressful interactions with your family, but also strengthen the bonds between you. “Look, Mom and Dad,” you might say, “I’m actually an extremely cool Satanist now, but this game is a lot like that game from 1993, and it can teach you to be an extremely cool Satanist too. Also nostalgia or something.”
The junk chainsaws
When did the holidays become so complicated? In the past, you opened some presents, ate something and slept until the football men disappeared from the television. Now it involves hours, even days, of preparation, not to mention the countless Facebook events and social obligations to juggle.
Fate has a chainsaw.
Close your eyes. Imagine it picking up speed and cutting through all your problems, as the weak hands of your problems rise to block it, only to collapse like blood-soaked wrapping paper. Inhale. Exhale. Smile. Did you know that this is how Santa Claus got enlightenment and became King of Christmas? It’s true. Look it up.
Eating, but never getting full
Fate is a sumptuous dessert plate in video game form. Every interaction, whether it’s shooting a Hell Knight with a shotgun or simply clambering onto an edge, is rich with full flavor. And yet it will never make you sick or gain weight. It’s the best part of the holiday, infinitely repeatable.
Covering the halls with boughs of holly (and demon guts)
Is there anything more appropriate for Christmas than hitting demons, the spawn of hell, so hard that they break in two and decorate the landscape and walls around them with festive arterial sprays? I mean, seriously.
Ring in the new year
If Die hard is a Christmas movie, Fate is a New Year’s odyssey. The subtext is so clearly visible that it is practically just plain text. There are fireworks everywhere and everyone is drunk – or I think they’re zombie demons, but that’s basically the same thing.
More importantly, it’s a game about determination. Doom Guy’s single-minded determination to break everything by kicking it to death, no matter how many different shocks protest into his life, is truly inspiring. Do you want a role model for your New Year’s resolutions? Look no further. This year I decide to be more like Doom Guy in everything I do.
